Sunday, 6 September 2009

Sally questions Santa's sex

So my friend Sally, whose wedding I went to New York for in June, is a brilliant writer and has an incredibly active imagination. She's great material for what could be a very popular blog on any subject you can think of. Except that Sally is resistant to blogging, and prefers writing her thoughts in private emails and Facebook messages. So I decided to steal one of those notes, and blog it myself on her behalf. Depending on feedback (if any) , she'll either decide to start her own blog, or stop sending me this stuff because I will continue to steal it :) So here goes the first one:

Sally writes, from Brooklyn, New York:

"So for some reason they've been showing a lot of festive movies, particularity in the spirit of xmas, although why in august, i have no idea? i mean it's still warm outside for pete's sake?! but in any case it's got me thinking....why is santa a man? there's no way he could be a man..seriously....I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if Santa were a man, everyone in the universe would wake on Christmas morning to find a socket wrench or some equally male-related gift under the tree….or worse yet…STILL IN THE BAG!

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, I’m sure he’s forgotten to feed them. Or they’d be gutted and strapped onto the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims ‘they just ran out in front of the sleigh!’

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds -- and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
• A man can't pack a bag.
• Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
• Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with
all those elves.
• Men don't answer their mail.
• Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
• Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to
pick up women.
• Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men ...
•Father Time shows up once a year, unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
• Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
• Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But Santa Claus? Not a chance.

Just thought I'd share ;-)) "

2 comments:

  1. Well, your friend Sally does put up a good argument for why Santa should be a woman. However, Sally is stereotyping and and committing the same sins that most males are accused of. Is it not conceivable that there exists a male out of the few billions on the planet earth that could meet all these criterion.

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  2. Uncle Sam could still be Aunt Sally - In today's world, it's women politicians who like pointing and cursing at people :) Take Indian politics for example - there are hundreds of such instances. Oh, yes!

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