Monday, 21 September 2009

The Game

You may have already heard about ‘The Game’. You may have already played it or perhaps had it played on you.

A growing subculture of men have made it their life’s mission to formulate surefire strategies for picking up women. These include the use of ‘peacocking’ or wearing attention grabbing attire as a conversation starter, the art of ‘negging’ – using backhanded compliments to deflate a woman's self esteem or gaining the acceptance of her companions as a way to bypass any potential resistance on her part. There is also an abundance of theories on how a woman should be approached (never directly, always at an angle), how to calculate her level of interest and how to keep her desperately hanging on through a series of push/pull tactics.

Theories draw on established sociological concepts like neuro-linguistic programming or techniques such as hypnosis to gain an edge.

Neil Strauss, a freelance journalist, first came into contact with the Pick Up Artists (PUAs) in an attempt to overcome his lack of self confidence and inability to connect with women in social situations. According to his book, within two years he became a community guru and claims to have slept with thousands of women.

His book is interesting reading until about halfway through. Apart from featuring fairly one dimensional women, Neil's fellow PUAs seem to be suffering from an assortment of underlying issues and the book ends up being a chronicle of their various disillusionments and emotional breakdowns.

There is enough evidence in Neil’s story however to suggest that this type of social manipulation can be very successful in male/female dynamics. Using behavioral techniques to influence other people is nothing new; we see this all the time in negotiation, sales, therapy and magic.

Having said that, there is also lots of anecdotal evidence about guys taking these theories on as gospel and bulldozing through memorized passages or ‘openers’ on dates regardless of their appropriateness or the nature of the person they are with. Often unsuccessfully.

A friend of mine recently went on a date with a man who claimed to be an international jewel thief (PUAs recommend giving unlikely job descriptions as a way of being aloof yet charmingly sarcastic - a word of advice, not everyone can pull this off). He then interrupted her story about kittens to loudly state that he, by the way, did not kiss on the first date so she should not keep her hopes up - another PUA endorsed scheme.

She was unimpressed.

Another friend was told the following shortly before deciding she had better things to do with her precious free time than to be underhandedly insulted by someone she had just met.

“I love your sarcasm – do you have a problem making friends?”

I can’t say I have an issue with this in general. Approaching a stranger and trying to initiate conversation is difficult, let alone trying to make a connection. This is especially difficult when it comes to men approaching women.

Eventually however, the lines will run out and one's true self shines through. It would be a shame to realize that you have wasted not only your own, but someone else's time - a commodity that often feels like it is in short supply.

Unless if you really do just want to drift aimlessly from one purely physical, short term relationship to another. In which case, you would probably feel right at home.


  1. He slept with thousands of women, oh, please, in less than 2 years? What does he have, an inbuilt vibrator?

  2. Why are women so threatened by the "game" and why is there so much anymosity against men who try and better themselves....? The game has more to do with self improvement that you could ever imagine!

    What your ethical beliefs are is not the issue ...

    A man is expected to approach a woman, initiate conversation and lead her all the way to the bedroom. At anytime in the transaction, the woman can cry rape or sexual harassment. A man can be left badly crushed and emotionally scared, to say the least.

    Women on the other hand have many of advantages and no responsibility. A woman simply waits and selects the right guy that comes along. Women want sex but not the responsibility thus the bottle of wine before the romp. (It alleviates any sense of responsibility on their part)

    I have been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt and have given it away.

    The game started thousands of years ago, it has been played on a daily basis and perfected to such an extent that it would render it's victim helpless. Unfortunately, the chief perpetraitors have always been women. Why do you think the wonder-bra, the mini-skirt, the g-string and other provocative attire were invented in the first place? In the field these are what we call "props."

    Most men that came to me for advice/tips had excelled in every other facet of their life except the self-mastery of dating and courtship.

    Some of these guys had degrees and masters but couldn't crack a joke or keep a woman entertained. Deep down, they were really nice guys but had confidence issues.

    Ms/Mr Anonymous, let me assure you that not all men think with their penises and furthermore, it is possible to sleep with thousands of women...

    As for me, I only became a PUA for one reason alone... In the hope of finding my true love and soul-mate... The "real game" or "field" I played enabled me to meet and screen women on a larger scale and thus boosting my chances to a higher degree.

    I do not profess to defend Pickup Artists worldwide. The techniques used are like guns... depending on the responsibility of it's wielder thus manifests it's trueness of purpose.


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